5 Reasons Why I Hate Shopping

Almost every time I go shopping I’m bound to run into at least one of these types of shoppers. Have you ever run into one of these shoppers? If so tell me about it.

There is always at least one person that thinks the rules don’t apply to them. These knuckleheads are pretty easy to spot. They are the ones in the 12 items or less lane with a buggy that’s half full of groceries.

Do you know how many items are in your cart? Yes you do and so do I. I’m not talking about 1 or 2 items over, I stopped counting at 15 and there is probably about twice that amount. And no, 5 packs of Ramen noodles doesn’t qualify as 1 item. The whole concept of the 12 items or less lane is to let those with just a few things get in and out when the store is packed and the lines are long.

Congratulations Andy with your high level of intelligence and advanced math skills you’ve single handedly fooled the cashier and everyone behind you! I bet you’re the same idiot that cleverly waits until the last second to merge in front of me on the express way when the sign three miles back clearly stated that the lane was about to end.

Once in line after successfully finding everything you wanted you may now be subjected to repeated attacks from behind. Turning around you’ll most likely discover this to be a lady between the ages of 20 and 30 and almost always with a cell phone. Whether she is texting or yapping into the phone, she is so caught up in her little drama of ‘he said, she said’ that she fails to notice why her cart suddenly stops.

Hello! Earth to Betty! I’ll tell you why your cart only goes so far forward before stopping. It’s because you’re cramming it into the back of me! We all want the line to move faster but running me over isn’t going to accomplish that. Now get off the phone, pay attention and give me some space before I push your cart back for you causing everyone else to topple over like dominoes!

Have you ever noticed as you’re strolling down the aisle shopping that gallon of milk sitting next to the hot dog buns or the pack of hamburger meat next to the paper towels? How did it get there? You can thank ‘Danny’ for that! This is the shopper who strikes when no one is looking. For whatever reason he decides that he no longer needs the item they so desperately wanted less than 20 minutes ago. With a quick scan of his surroundings making sure the coast is clear out of the buggy, on the shelf and away he goes. You can’t really blame him though. Putting that half pound of hamburger meat back where it belongs is just way too much effort. It is far too heavy and walking the 3 aisles over might as well be across town.

This results in higher prices for everyone else if the item gets thrown out at the end of the day. God forbid the item sits there for 2 hours before the pimply faced stock boy puts it back where it belongs. This is one reason why I don’t put too much faith on the ‘sell by’ dates for perishable food.

C’mon Danny, stop being a lazy slob. Your mom is not around to pick up after you. One day I hope you take a big swig of Vitamin D and choke on the chunks!

This is an event that occurs far too frequently. Often I’m lucky enough to be stuck in the same line behind this moron. This type of shopper when the store is really busy will only fill their cart up part way and then secure their place in line. They use this as a multi-person strategy. The other people with them will fan out and continue to shop placing items in the cart as the line moves along.

This doesn’t become an issue until they enter ‘the tunnel’. For those who may not be familiar with ‘the tunnel’ this is the area right before the checkout counter that displays all the gum, candy, batteries and other crap that you don’t need to buy at the last minute. The tunnel usually consists of some type of wall on both sides and is the point of no return. There is only one way in and one way out. It’s at this point in time when the other members of their team return and everybody in line is expected to back up and allow them through.

Hey Charlotte! How about doing all your shopping like everybody else before getting into line. It’s already 10 carts long and now we all have to move just for you? Have little Junior find another cart for your last two items and go to the end of the line!

This is by far the number 1 thing that irritates me the most. The shopper who parks their cart on one half of the aisle while they stand there hogging up the other half. I usually roll my cart up next to them and wait to see if they notice me and move. Most of the time nothing happens until I say something like “excuse me.” It is only then that they momentarily snap out of ‘la la land’ and move before lapsing back into their own little personal coma.

Here is a little tip for you Bob. You’re not the only one shopping today. The store wasn’t built just for your own personal shopping needs. This is a public place. Move your dumb arse out of the way so others can shop too.

To all the shoppers out there that may fit one of the above descriptions, think about it. You’re not cute, funny, clever or cool. You suck and nobody likes you!